To start off let me first say that I LOVE Jacob more than I ever thought I could love anyone. I'm sure all mom's know the overwhelming love I'm talking about. He is the sweetest, smartest little flirt I've ever known and I would give my life, without thinking about it, for him.
Ok so now you know I'm not intentionally being a bad mom let me vent and little and ask for some real advice.
So being a mom is HARD, duh. I know now truly how different all babies/children are and I realize more and more everyday what kind of personality Jake has. He is FULL of energy and thats an understatement. I'm not just talking about the child like energy, he is above and beyond! I think naturally some kids are more mellow and content to be still and some need to be moving all the time. Please tell me how to live with a child that hardly ever holds still!! Seriously. For example I had a great lunch date with some of my old roommates planned for today and I'm always excited to get to see them and catch up. Jake took a really great nap this morning so I was sure he was be happy sitting in a high chair and snacking on french fries but oh man was I SO SO wrong. It was the most embarrassing outing to date. He started off by splashing everyone at the table with my diet coke and throwing all of the crayons on the floor and then screamed to get down and go outside for the remainder of the meal. I don't think I've ever seen such a huge mess underneath our table. Every time I forced him into his hair chair he would climb out, I tried holding him but he would arch his back and try to slide out of my grip so most of the time I was chasing him through the restaurant. I felt so awful for everyone else, especially my friends, who were trying to enjoy a nice lunch. I felt so out of control!! I've learned to roll with the punches a little bit better since becoming a mom but this was way out of my comfort zone!! What do I do? Hes to young for time out and discipline, he doesn't understand why he has to sit still and behave so how do I deal with it. I don't wont to be someone who never does anything because I'm afraid of how my child will act but I also don't want to be the mom who everyone wishes would leave because she can't get her child under control! ARRHHH I seriously need a nap now. I wears me out!! Its one thing when he gets like that at home (and trust me, he does) but when it effects other people I don't know what to do or what other people expect me to do. Cameron's reassured me that most likely everyone (especially the ones I care about) how forgotten all about it and its not a big deal and he is probably right but I'm still a little traumatized by the whole thing! I didn't even get more than 3 bites of my meal, I ended up taking it to the park to eat while Jake ran around!
Well I appreciate anyone who was willing to read about my drama today. I'm sure tomorrow will be better.
9 comments:
It only gets better when you have more ;-)
Ellen, I completely feel for you, I was that child for my mom! And I pray that ten-folds rule doesn't apply with me, yeah right. But to help you...I would say some days are better than others, but also if you feel he's old enough to understand I've heard this works: Let them know their behavior means you are going home instantly! Whether you're at the grocery store with a full cart, at the playground at McD's or whatever. The first few times he may not believe you but you have to commit! Once you do this a couple times and he sees you mean it. It could seriously help because he knows it means he's not running around the restaurant with you chasing him like a game. It means he goes home immediately and no fun outings when he acts like that. It's not a punishment per say just a promise. Hope this helps!
Do you have our new blog address:
thecoonsfam.blogspot.com I noticed you have our old link on your page.
We have all been there! Bryce turned 1 two days ago, and he's already transformed from happy, sweet baby to ornery, obnoxious toddler. My advice is to just be consistent and follow through. It's a painful process but it is so worth it in the end. My favorite book for babies is "Secrets of the Baby Whisperer" and the author has book about toddlers too. All my really good advice stems in some way from those books! Good luck!
Ellen it really was not a big deal I promise!!! Cameron was right, I had totally already forgotten all about it and none of us thought anything because we all have kids (well bree will soon) and we KNOW how it is! Even Tyler, who is usually a mellow yellow, can sometimes be outrageous and embarrasing, so I know how you feel. And I KNOW you are not a bad mom! It was so fun to be able to catch up with you, and I can't wait to get together again! I am sorry you didn't get to eat your lunch though :(
I didnt know I let you borrow my son for the day :) You just described many days I have had! I get so overwhelmed sometimes! I am so glad you posted this because it has been nice reading other peoples advice because I myself am not sure what to do. I have heard that even if they dont understand now completely you should still give them choices. For example at the lunch when they start acting up you say you either stop what you are doing or we will leave, you choose. Or like with nate he likes to through everything so if it is something he should not be throwing I tell him you can play with it, but if you through it again I will take it away and you cant have it back. (We are still working on this, but I think he is starting to get it). You just have to make sure if they choose to continue doing the bad choice then you have to follow through with the action you said you would. It will be hard the first couple times and probably embarrassing if you have to leave lunch or the store or where ever, but they will eventually learn which one they need to choose and I think everyone ends up happier in the long run.
I meant throw everything ha ha
Not to ramble on but I also heard that you can reward the good behavior too. Like, if you have a few errands to do and you tell him if he's good then he'll get (insert his favorite treat). But once again follow-through is key. If he acts inappropriate then let him know "one more chance or you'll lose the treat" or however you want to work it. So only when they behave the way you want them to through an outing you reward that behavior too with a positive.
I would suggest a place (like a park) for the next time. I think it will help in the future, so Jake doesn't feel tied down. He needs to run around and play, and you can visit with your friends.
Girl, I understand completely! I do have to say though, that I believe that if he is old enough to make the decision to act the way he is, he is old enough to know that you aren't okay with it and receive a time out (Jennifer gives Ethan, who is 15 months, time outs in his pack n play). For that reason, I do timeout for my kids for a minute per year of their age. This only works for my kids if I do it RIGHT AWAY. My friend Tiffany has a son that is VERY active and acts much of the way you are describing...but some things are different because he's older...so like, they say things they shouldn't and spit and so on. ANYWAY, she threatens to leave, just like your friends were saying and I've seen her have to follow through. We had a play date one time and he kept taking a toy from another child or something and she told him that if he did it again, they'd leave...and they did! He was so upset and of course it was no fun for Tiff who wanted to see her friends too, but sometimes that's the only way she can get through to him, b/c his attention span is so short. She thinks he has ADHD, so if she tries time out...by the time he's sat there 30 seconds, he's forgotten why he's there! lol
For me though, I think it differs per child, like you said, they are allll so different. We have different methods for each child, because one or the other doesnt work for both children. Noah can not STAND time out in his room or being taken away from the activity he wants to do...but say I popped his butt or put him in time out in the same room he wants to play in or has a friend in...he doesn't even care that i did anything. If I put him in his room for a time out...he LOOSES HIS MIND! Raylan...all I have to say is that she made me sad and that I didn't like her behavior...she already starts apologizing and hugging and kissing me...if I keep up with the sad routine...she feels worse, whereas Noah would apologize, but walk away! lol Just try out different approaches, each for a decent period of time to see if they will work if you are consistant and see what works best with him and what he really seems to acknowledge as an inconvenience, that will make him stop, listen and consider what he did. He is one...it will take LOTS of time for him to really understand it and even when they do...they still don't always do what they should, their kiddos! haha
Love ya girl...I hope that this helped SOME. :o)
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